We all look forward to the holidays, and hope that they will be a time of happiness, friendliness, fellowship, and harmony. Yet how often does our anticipation and excitement turn into depression and or family disharmony?

I have lived through the holiday blues, as well as the family massacre at holiday times. I have heard the stories, year after year, of people who have experienced similar episodes of holiday glumness. In between the parties, the family events, and the rounds of eggnog and good cheer, we all sometimes face uncertainty. Memories of holiday seasons that were not so joyful, and fear about the future both contribute to holiday hell.

Moreover, in our country, the holiday season is so commercialized and advertised, that it can feel near impossible to keep up with the demands of the season. Our expectations of having a wonderful time become so inflated, that we become vulnerable to extreme swings in our emotions.

The mood changes and anxiety that prevail during the holiday season, may occur in part because of the stressful nature of holiday events. It may also be a result of over-drinking, over-eating, and over-activity. The demands of the season are many: family, shopping, cooking, guests, travel, reunions, parties, and extra financial burden. It's easy to over do it.

It is common for people who are not usually depressed to become depressed during the holidays. Symptoms of seasonal depression can include headaches, insomnia, uneasiness, anxiety, sadness, intestinal problems, and irritability.

Here are some tools to get through the holiday season happily, and to prevent problems and misery for yourself and your loved ones:

1. Keep your expectations reasonable.

2. Be practical with your schedule; do not overbook yourself. Working yourself into a state of exhaustion makes people cranky, irritable, and depressed.

3. Decide your priorities and stick to them. Organize your time.

4. Remember, as we approach Thanksgiving, no matter what our plans, the holiday does not automatically take away feelings of aloneness, sadness, frustration, anger, and fear.

5. Be careful not to dwell on resentments left over from holidays past. Declare an amnesty with whichever family member or friend you are feeling resentful toward. It is not helpful, intimate, or loving to ambush a relative with a laundry list of grievances during the holiday. Don't let relatives victimize you in this way, either.

6. Don't expect the holidays to be just as they were when you were a child. They NEVER are. YOU are not the same as when you were a child, and no one else in the family is either.

7. Feeling like you are under-scheduled or under-planned for the holidays? Why not volunteer to serve Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter? Or perhaps work with a group that helps needy children during the holidays. There are many opportunities for community service at this time of year. Seize those opportunities. It's difficult to feel bad about yourself when you're doing a wonderful thing for someone else.

8. Plan unstructured, low cost fun holiday activities: window-shop,tour the neighborhood and look at holiday decorations, take a trip to the countryside -- the opportunities are endless.

9. If you drink alcohol, do not let the holiday turn into a hangover. Excessive alcohol consumption will exacerbate your depression and anxiety. Contrary to popular opinion, alcohol is a depressant.

10. Give yourself a break; create time for yourself to do the things YOU love to do. If you find yourself feeling blue, remember that the choice is always yours to make -- the sky is partly sunny, and the glass is half full, if you want it to be that way. Depression is usually a clinical disorder, but sometimes "the blues" confront us all, particularly at holiday time. Don't give in to holiday depression. If we opt not to make this self-defeating choice, we can instead revel in gratitude for our bounty, health, hope, and courage.

Mark Sichel, LCSW