Improve Your Relationship Through Affirmation


Fondness and admiration for your partner is a key skill for a healthy relationship - wisdom from John Gottman, a renown researcher on what makes relationships work.  Letting others know when we like what they do is a way of acknowledging behavior. It's also a way of teaching them our preferences. 

Improve Your RelationshipRegularly doing this will help develop your ability to be aware of your partner's efforts. In a recent blog post, therapist Rachel Eddins writes how it is common to notice the negative, which is why it's important to practice and develop the skill of acknowledging what you appreciate about your partner.
At least once (or more) per day make a note of something your partner does that helps your relationship. When possible, find an appropriate way to let your partner know that you appreciate the effort. Watch for times when you felt cared about, helped, or understood and try to identify specific things that led you to feel that way. (Hint: You can also catch yourself doing something right and silently give yourself credit. Notice when you are being flexible, compassionate, and understanding.)
For example, “I really appreciate you cleaning up the dishes tonight”, or “Thank you for texting me this morning to wish me a good day at work”, or “I like it when you consider what I would like to do over the weekend and make plans with me.”
  1. What did you acknowledge or give your partner credit for?
  2. How did your partner respond?
Relationship counseling can provide you additional assistance with improving your relationship and fostering a deeper connection with your partner.  
To consult with a therapist, look through profiles to find a specialist in your area.