Passionate Connections: Within and Without

When I was writing my first book, Getting Sane Without Going Crazy, I wanted to use a cover color that connoted the strong feelings often associated with being crazy. Most people suggested red. I nixed the idea. I was far from sure that being crazy always meant being hot-headed or broken hearted, sexual or even head over heels in love. Despair and solitude hold down the other ends of the feeling spectrum and I wanted a color that was representative of a different message that could also represent a wide range of human emotion. I chose deep purple, a color often used in religious rituals, regal ceremony, and mourning. I realized that crazy was most often associated with strong passion and that passion for many people held a negative or "crazy" connotation.

True, the most common feelings associated with passion are anger, rage, and love. These deeply intense and often out-loud feelings are frequently disturbing to those experiencing them and even more so to those caught in their web. Still, there is also the quiet passion gleaned from exploring nature, or being deeply engrossed in a project or deed. A mom smiling while cooking for her family or gently caressing her child is passionate. A monk sitting silently can be exquisitely, passionately still. A warrior poised for action is passion in waiting, and a child squealing with delight at discovering the existence of stars can be passion incarnate. As much as I am often unsure of what is deemed crazy by many in society, I am also unclear about what represents passion. Its definition is a bit ephemeral, closer to "I know it when I feel it in myself or sense it in another." The one thing I am sure of is that there is too little passion in most people's lives.

Strong feelings are often frightening and the more insecure we may feel the more frightening they may be. Many pop a Paxil, Prozac, Effexor or other pill in the hope of living life more smoothly. Some exercise madly, others withdraw, obsess, act out sexually, or attempt in myriad ways of ways to hold passion at bay. Too few have the courage to sustain deep emotion. And, few receive support or encouragement to do so. I find this aspect of our societal stance sad, for when we lose passion, we also lose part of our soul.

Many years ago, Alan Watts wrote a book called The Wisdom of Insecurity. This simply written, but very smart book tells what can be learned if we can tolerate not knowing. However, this stance is a bit too Eastern-mystical-airy-fairy for most Westerners and we tend to prefer not having to feel or deal with the passionate stirrings that non-linear thinking or direct, task-oriented action brings. Sitting with this kind of discomfort is not a skill that most of us are trained to do. It takes courage to deal with passion. And, to have courage we must be able to sustain being afraid. Otherwise, why call it courage?

I believe that passion, courage, insecurity, and crazy are emotionally laden words for big feelings, and that these feelings are part of the human condition. While we are not always courageous enough to face our shadow side, we tend to like big feelings when they are positive such as the psychotic-like emotion of falling in love. You know, that stage when you are obsessed with your love object and hang on his or her every word and deed. Your adrenaline rushes and sexual desire seems to have taken over your mind and body. I wish everyone might have a positive feeling of such magnitude at least once in his or her life-story. To be able to be a wise elder, sit back in one's rocking chair, and reminisce about such a sensation can be glorious. Or, perhaps to experience such feelings at any life stage, be it love, a creative endeavor, or sitting up all night with a book that's just too magical to put down. Yes, positive passion is easier to embrace.

But, what about the here and now and the need to deal with negative passions such as hate? We live in a time of tremendous upheaval where there are vicious and destructive events happening. Africa, an entire continent, is being killed off by the spread of HIV disease. The Middle East is poised for immanent destruction, and the terrorist attacks of September 11th have wrought havoc with our own feelings of safety. These acts of destructive passion have altered our lives immeasurably. They compel us, whether we wish to or not, to pay attention to the dark side of passion.

There is reason for my mantra: Life is too hard to do alone. In the wake of tumultuous world events and especially in the aftermath of 9/11, we need to continue to struggle to restore ourselves and to persevere, to come together to renew the sense of vitality that nurtures creative and life-affirming connections to passion within us, our families and our communities. In order to accomplish this, we cannot passively wait for others to touch us. We must, each of us, overcome our reluctance, our fear, our pounding heart or sweating palms, take a deep breath and reach out to those we love and even more so, to those we hate. For without kindling the passion to survive, very simply, we may not.

Life is too hard to do alone,

DR. D

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.
Nationally Syndicated Talk Show Host
On The Couch

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